there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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