Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
