curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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