but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
