i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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