Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
