Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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