it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
