i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
