I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need water and some morals
Randomize
