can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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