Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
