Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
