i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
