somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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