nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
