Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
send nudes
from the living room?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
