you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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