youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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