I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
