I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
