dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
