So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
