Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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