Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
