I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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