This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
