Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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