We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
