How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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