FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When are your genitals available?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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