Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize