He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
