saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
