i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
