WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
