I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
