when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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