Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
