Who wears a wallet chain?!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Holy sore nipples Batman
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
