i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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