...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
