His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
