she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
