thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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