eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
