even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
