ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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