My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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