He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
