My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
