Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we're so committed to being not committed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
