I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
