I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
