New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
