She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
