i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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