they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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