I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
