I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize