he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
