haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
