i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
