I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
