This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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