i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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