I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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