Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
