are you still at the devil's house?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize