This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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