hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
