dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
