I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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