i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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