dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
