I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My bed smells like the plague
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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